Child, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend

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I love the Lord as much as a broken person can; love and loved by my husband; blessed by 5 amazing little people who have helped me to learn much about me; grateful to serve even more as God gives them to me; blessed every day to be a home school teacher; college student; I hope to change the world by loving as many people as possible, because there is nothing greater than loving another.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Honesty - my top 20.

Well, how does one start such a post? Have you ever known the appropriate response, but not taken it? Well, call me that girl. So often I know the truth, know the best response, but still go right on ahead and just be little ole fleshly Tina. I believe it is the human condition. Thanks to God for saving us from ourselves. I know I surely need the saving.
I'm about to list off many things that I Know about myself. Blogland readers may, or may not know them about me, so don't comment on how wonderful I am (okay, you really can comment like that - lol!). I really do not have self esteem issues, and more than that I know I am loved and redeemed by my savior and Lord. I'm just puttin' this out in cyberland so the truth about me is known. I'm as imperfect as they come, living my life under a shroud of grace and hoping daily to be like Jesus and less like, me. So here's my Honesty List. For easy reading sake, I'll number them, but rest assured I know the list won't be totally inclusive, just what I think of for now. I may even add to it over time!
1. I'm lazy. Really. I know you're thinking, "All you do with school and managing your home? No way would I call you lazy." I am. I have to Make myself do all those things. I would be perfectly content to sit down and read a book or watch a movie, all day, every day. I don't like house cleaning at all -- not even a little bit.
2. I procrastinate. So badly that I have learned to get all of my lesson planning done in the summer, or it just won't get done. If left to my own devices, I'd be late and last minute for all things.
3. I Am STUBBORN. Probably not the biggest surprise on the list! I am as hard and bull headed as they come and it takes a compelling case to change my mind.
4. I have very little patience, particularly for adults. I have grown into a patient person with children, but I still struggle with adults. People get on my nerves when they behave "stupidly"
5. I am a know-it-all. When I belive something, I believe it to my core. It's tough for me to waiver.
6. I hate political correctness and often rebel against it. Words like Tolerance and Multi-culturalism make me cringe.
7. I have a sick sense of humor. I really love stupid movies, especially those that really don't encourage the precepts of my faith. I just can't help it. I could watch Harold and Kumar marathons.
8. I am a brat. I was raised to be so spoiled, that it is easy to fall right back into throwing fits when I don't get my way.
9. I yell at my children a lot more than I ever thought I would and when I *hear* myself, I feel terrible, although, sometimes, I do feel they deserve it, which leads to guilt for feeling that way.
10. I can escape on my computer and completely tone out the rest of the world. It can be a problem.
11. I love to cook, but hate being required to cook, so I often put off dinner until 30 minutes before I need to get it on the table. Stupid, b/c I really do love the process of cooking. So on days where I can cook b/c I want to, I cook a lot and freeze. That helps with my procrastination.
12. I have a love-hate relationship with my husband. I love him more than any person on this planet. He also makes me angrier than any person on this planet. I have broken things in my anger for him, thrown things (expensive things like a $4,000 bike), thought terrible things about him, cursed, spat and mocked him more times than are reasonible. Yet, at the same time, I have offered more patience and love for him than any other person (if only he could see that, I don't think he does) which leads to #13.
13. I'm presumptive. Always gets me in trouble.
14. I'm enthusiastic to the point of band wagon. I get so overzelous, then I fizzle out. Not a good example for my children.
15. I overeat. I love food. It's a problem. Enough that my weight is out of control and I follow the roller coaster diet pretty much all the time. Do well. Don't. Do well. Don't.
16. I hate exercising. It's a necessary evil for me so I don't turn grossly obese, but I really hate it. Don't find anything about it appealing.
17. I lean towards a dirty mind. I am forever finding falic comedy pops in my mind. It's a terrible shame. Something I really keep to myself (except for now)
18. I can be very mean. I know how to cut through a person and have been known to carve away. (I really hate this about myself)
19. It is easy for me to put others before my family, as I can be a people pleaser.
20. Although mild in comparison to others, I have lived my share of promiscuity and partying. Never too over the top, but enough to know I want better for my children.
That's my current top 20. I am far from ideal. Nowhere close to perfect. I know this about myself and have been shown much from the Lord on judgement, or rather how judgemental I can and have been. Really a shame. I am so far off in so many ways, I really have no business to sit in judgement of anyone. I know this and while I walk in constant imperfections, I have an example before me. I am so thankful Jesus has saved me from myself.

1 comment:

momof4sweetsisters said...

Ddi you really write this at 3:50a.m.? Crazy!!! Your to hard on yourself and waaaaay to deep.

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